About

Hello!

I’m happy you made it here to my website!

If you didn’t know already, my name is Louise Large. You may know me on Instagram as ‘BodyLoveMind’, where on that account, I post pictures and videos representing the growth and development of both my body, and my passion for weight lifting as time passes.

My love for fitness goes above and beyond just working out, however, since I feel my commitment for physical strength is vastly connected to the focus I also dedicate to my mental and spiritual health, and by maintaining a nourishing diet.

Each of these facets, which ultimately make up your life, are all so intrinsically connected. When one is lacking, it can bring another one down. In the same way, when you are feeling strong in one area, it gives you the strength to bring forward that power in to areas which aren’t feeling quite as strong.

I feel that if I were to find a way to help people understand their mind, spirit and health, and then show them how they can work on each over time, I believe that more people would be able to find within themselves the power and strength to make any physical goal possible.

However, this is not to say I’m an expert myself. With continuous research, practice, dedication and a whole load of trial and error in my own life, I am yet to find the place in which I am satisfied (since there is always a way to improve).

I see physical and mental development as a continuous process. To me, you will continue to grow throughout your entire life, so long as you are open to learning and keep trying to be better. I see myself not only wanting to find a way to help people reach a fitness goal, but also a way to literally change their lives – for the better. Changing the way your body looks is one thing, but I feel that the flip of perception and an understanding of your mind cannot compare to physical changes alone.

Changes you make in your life, to some people close to you, may be perceived as a negative thing. But don’t be discouraged. I’ve developed a strong belief that we, as individuals, have the capacity to be and do whatever we feel is best for ourselves. In other words, you have your life, and only you have access to the steering wheel.

With that being said, I’ve found beneath the confusion and mess of a hyper teenage girl, who never had a single clue as to what she was going to do with her life, a passion in becoming mentally and physically strong. To some, I am crazy! But undeniably, there is nothing more fulfilling than living through your passion as much as possible, all while finding ways to help other people do the same!

Of course, this was not always the case. I changed a lot in the past too as I grew up and made my way through school. I’ve gone from being an outsider, a loner, a victim to bullies, the MOST hyper person you’ll ever meet, almost being removed from my school several times because I was so hyper, (yet walking out with some decent grades from GCSE to A level), to being brutally depressed, having crippling anxiety and a fear of every human being in sight. They’re also changes – just not necessarily positive ones or ones I actively decided to induce.

What didn’t seem to change throughout these earlier years was my utter lack of direction, hobby, passion or career idea. To be honest, the thought of ‘life’ and the future was never something I wanted to think about. I never saw the beauty and potential of life – instead I saw a bleak, scary world with set rules of who you should be and an uninteresting path you’re supposed to follow.

What was I ever going to do with my life?

Despite my hyper outer shell, and my lack of aspiration or interest in any set ‘path’ predestined for me, I had an absolute minimum of confidence in myself, too. I would look in to the mirror every day and pinch my stomach, grab by thighs, and stare miserably at my face full of acne. I would dream instead of getting my fat surgically removed and my acne lasered off. I wanted a flat stomach and thin thighs like the ‘pretty’ girls. However, it wasn’t just about disliking my appearance, it was also my sheer lack of control and understanding of my own life which made me feel fearful of the future ahead. I felt like the victim in my life rather than the person I was put on this earth to be.

Then there was this problem I had with food. By a problem, I mean I felt like I was addicted. Obviously to an extent this can be said for anyone, since we need food to survive. But it was more an obsession, something I couldn’t stop thinking about – the only thing that would give me some satisfaction. Sounds a bit weird, but the way I felt back then alone is enough for me to want to help those in a similar situation to the one I was in.

I would call myself obese in a ‘skinny’ body (yep, people obviously thought I was joking). It was all fun and games, and it gave me tremendous amounts of joy whenever I’d get my hands on some sort of food. But I look back now and can feel how I felt. Every school day after eating all day long, I would head to the shop to buy more chocolate for the way home. The sickly-sweet tang that remained in my mouth from the chocolate, brought about a deep sense of guilt and frustration as it reminded me time and time again of my profound inner desire to stop eating so much crap, and become fit and healthy.

This is where exercise played a role in my ongoing guilt. No matter how much I would plan to exercise and keep consistent with it - since I knew it would always make me feel better - my attempts would last no longer than a few days at a time, to then be forgotten for the next few months. I couldn’t find any enjoyment from it, nor did I have any clue as to how I could take control and just do it. My lack of discipline with food infiltrated in to my thoughts regarding exercise, and as a result I had the belief that I couldn’t workout or change my body, leaving me feeling depressed and constantly criticising of myself.

When we fast forward to my later teenage years, I experienced what seemed to be some mind-changing anxiety. I describe it as ‘mind-changing’ because it eventually caused me to perceive my life in an entirely new way.

Don’t get me wrong – it was intense. The anxiety would be deep, pulsating, body shaking, breath-taking. I didn’t understand it or know how to control of it.

By this point I was in sixth form – my boyfriend had a car, so I was not walking anywhere, and my mindless intake of food had increased. We would sit in the kitchen for hours on end (literally) just eating and eating. We would also skip lessons daily to go to the supermarkets in town to buy bags full of junk food, unhealthy snacks, fast food, and other substances to use up our time.

I see now that the lifestyle I was living was having such a detrimental impact on my ability to understand what was going in my body and in my mind. We spent many waking hours in that car, sitting among the food debris and wrappers which continued to pile up as we sat, ate and experienced yet ANOTHER episode of anxiety – just sitting there, in the dark car. I felt like an earth quake strapped down in to one small space. Thoughts racing, body trembling, my imagination going wild. As well as this, everyone around me I’d ever known or been friends with had turned their backs on me – not a single friend left in sight.

One day I was researching anxiety as usual and found a lot of people mentioning ‘meditation’. This was where I first discovered the app ‘Headspace’. Upon finally getting myself to do the trial, I discovered how to feel my body, from the inside out. It was something I hadn’t quite experienced in the same way before.

Although I was still having the anxiety, the Headspace app gave me some peace. The calm, reassuring voice of Andy, the author, felt refreshing to my frantic, confused little mind. Everything he said made sense.

It was energising. Energising to the extent where I began to feel the desire to EXERCISE. I knew all along that exercise felt good. And since I had always enjoyed any type of physical activity when I was younger, it felt like the long-lost part of me had finally come to the light.

I soon began swapping the fast food and ready meals, for fresh nourishing ingredients to make my own meals with. I noticed a dramatic change in how I felt physically when I altered my diet. My consistent workouts and improved diet soon began to show in the form of physical results and changes. The fat around my stomach and thighs started naturally dissolving.

This, being what I had wanted for so many years, had finally happened!

The exercise I was doing was also giving me some definition alongside the fat loss, and I began seeing MUSCLE. This was where my love for weight lifting and muscle building began.

My confidence levels flipped.

I began to recognise my capabilities and my strength - both mentally and physically - with each passing day that I forced myself to train.

Since I believe everything is connected, I see now that movement of the body can free you from the trap you create in your mind. In the same way, sitting with your mind and becoming conscious of your body can really open you up to things you need to help yourself.

Don’t get me wrong, my anxiety hasn’t disappeared because I started working out and eating better. It’s still with me every day. The difference is in how well I accept it and try to understand it, as well as how I respond to it, and what I do to help myself overcome it.

I also feel that the essence of our spirit is the engine of our energy and power. I am so drawn to spirituality because to me, it is the best friend I never had. We all have a passion within us that drives us, and when you follow it and live by it, you find yourself doing things you never thought you would or could!

With that being said, weight lifting and exercising has become that part of me – that passion – the thing I live for. It helps me to feel stronger mentally as I continue to push my body to grow, adapt and transform in to a stronger version.

I am therefore putting my story out there to HELP other people. I’m sure in many ways there are people who can relate to aspects about me, which is why I hope to help people recognise the potential they hold within themselves.

I want to show you that you CAN be strong. One way or another. Just like I did! And if I can, then there is no reason why you can’t too.

You just need to believe it.

Louise x

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