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Expressing Depression

Before i allow the chains of my mind to creep in i just want to EXPRESS how i feel because right now recently i don’t feel like i am expressing enough and by not expressing i get DEPRESSED.

Depression in Louise Hays book is ‘not feeling like you have the right to be angry’, and i can see this, because i feel like this. I want my life to change but i feel like i shouldn’t be angry about this because i am meant to be the one in control. i know i should appreciate what i have right now and use what i can to do what i want right now. But something holds me back from this and i cant seem to find the energy to get up and do something when i don’t have any direction… what is direction though? am i over emphasising it? am i being too closed?

Why do i need direction? i just wanna feel purposeful and progressing and taking control, but by thinking in this way i just feel like i’m forever waiting. and when i’m forever waiting i end up never doing anything. when i don’t do anything i never even progress. and when i don’t progress depression continues. but that’s not what depression is though and as i was saying it’s like i don’t have the right to feel this anger and frustration about life that i am feeling right now.

I feel like i am waiting for my life to start.

And this was kinda the epiphany i had yesterday. i don’t know why the depression takes over me so strong but i guess that is how it is. but still, i need a way to express myself and release this anger and frustration and doubt and unfaithfulness and depression and i’m not giving up on myself just because i don’t know what to do and that’s what i need to remember. Maybe i could just flow with my feelings instead…

but that only makes me feel worse. because my feelings are so pitiful and low and low energy. i NEED energy. wheres my energy. i’m so tired. my body is tired and so is my mind and my eyes and i’m thirsty. i’m thirsty for inspiration and for joy

i just want to live in harmony with myself and be happy with who i am and enjoy every moment because i do have freedom and i can say what i want and i will become stronger as i go through, but i cant keep focusing on then when there is now.

you know sometimes life really does feel pointless to me.

Ok stop its ok. its okay you can say anything.

…………depression

what do you do with it??

Please, share with me your thoughts. I'd love to hear them!