Personal Blogs /Random Writing

Pieces of my heart

Where on earth do i begin ???????????

i feel so creatively emotionally stuck that i dont even know how to write any more. i mean, i write every day, but a blog ? what do i even say.

well, i am writing something… lol

too many thoughts, not enough words

too many words not enough outlet.

no outlet, no release

no release …. suffocation !!!

it suffocates me, literally, to keep my emotions trapped within my soul.  i mean literally. my throat chakra just a few hours ago was like on FIRE

the energy trapped within

its insane.

and quite honestly, its making me feel depressed

(because that’s what depression is – the suppression of energy)

you’re probably wondering what on earth are you going on about

and while there is no simple way of actually expressing my emotion that needs to be expressed, all i can really think to express is the fact that i feel UNABLE to express it

so maybe, i should just express it ??

maybe i should just say how i feel

maybe if i stop myself from thinking for a while and allow the words to just flow ill feel a little better

because the love in my heart goes so deep that at times it actually hurts ( a lot) and i have to stop myself from thinking about it

sometimes i put up a subconscious mental barrier around my heart just to numb the pain

i don’t mean to do it , and i know you probably feel it too, because i know you do it too, to me, but i cant deny it

the way i feel

when you look at me

when i catch your eye and we are dancing

we are dancing, cosmically

no one has to see, and yet everyone does

its magnetic

this energy you pull me in to

this trance you have me floating in

i love it

i am blessed

yet i don’t

because i wish you could see, i wish i could EXPRESS

we could be flying

we will be flying and inside i am dying right now not knowing what to do with the pieces of my heart that i know belong to you and i don’t know what to do with them

they weigh down on me

but that’s not your fault. nothing is, its not even mine, its just the situation right now. i know this separation between us is in some way necessary (even though i’d rather we just took our masks off and dive right in)

i am so bored of watching each day go by without seeing any progression

yet i feel you closer every day

and at times i wonder where you are i wonder what you’re doing where you’re going

i am bored of never getting to fully experience the best of you

and the worst

i love you

i see signs all the time. right now it is 22:22. what is this. its a sign from the universe. for ages i thought i was going crazy but i know i’m not. i know what what i feel in my heart is real and the truth

so why cant i speak my truth

what is holding me back – us back

why am i so afraid and unsure

i stand in the darkness at times and literally just have to feel the pain because its the only way to actually deal with it – to FEEL it. but even when you feel it it doesn’t fully go because its so damn deep

this desire this yearning this love

this world i am living in, this path i am creating this world i am manifesting

this change i am seeking the freedom i am seeking the love i am craving

there was life before you and there is life after you

i aint stopping now.

Please, share with me your thoughts. I'd love to hear them!