Personal Blogs /Random Writing

A blog written about nothing in particular (aka my thoughts processed through a keyboard)

I’m sorry guys, I know I don’t write much.

I want to. I just feel I suffer with writers block quite a lot. I also have ongoing spurts of anxiety and depression which make it difficult for me to motivate myself to write things. I also feel that people aren’t going to care/like what I write about – which in fact isn’t true! I receive many really kind comments on my Instagram posts and blogs and for that I am immensely thankful. However, maybe, just maybe, I could write regardless of what people may think. I COULD, not SHOULD (there’s a difference you know).

So I’m here, right now. I feel caught up in thinking I have to write something so inspiring, when really, all I wanna do is be myself (the self who isn’t depressed).

It’s too easy to get lost amongst the standards and expectations you place upon yourself, which ultimately results in the opposite affect and you end up doing next to nothing. During this period of my life (winter) I’ve been experiencing a lot more depression and anxiety (like I do in the winter). It usually results in me being downright mean to myself – I doubt, criticise and think myself to mental exhaustion. It’s sad really because when I am feeling okay, I genuinely believe that I am capable of anything, and it makes me want to share this message to everyone and anyone so that they can know this too!!

(Ok, the writers block has returned). I’m thinking through a keyboard. I’m literally writing whatever I think and that’s fine, just fine. I’m Louise Katie Large. I’m not really ya typical girl. I don’t go out clubbing, I don’t like drinking anymore, I don’t like shopping and I don’t drive and stuff. However, what I do have is a passion for working out. I like muscle building, strength training. Weights. Bodybuilding. I also like to smoke weed, hang out with my boyfriend/best friend, and work on myself – physically, mentally and professionally. I have trouble with discipline when it comes to going to bed and getting up early. (One day, I promise you, and me, that I will do it.) I also find it difficult to at times to stand up tall with confidence, tell myself I am capable, and just do what I need to do. I’ve literally crumbled apart these past few days. (Writers block is back) My journey with fitness has become my thing, and I use Instagram as a way of showing people my progress. I intend to be as authentic as possible, but what often gets in the way is my fear of what people think of me. It’s a conditioning of the mind, believe me. And it’s something that myself, and many others I’m sure, would love to overcome. It’s the same with that self critical voice inside your head (and mine), along with the doubt and fear that results in depression and anxiety. I seem to experience it all too much, and because of this I often feel bad writing how I truly feel on Instagram because I don’t want people to think of me as nothing but a negative aspect of their Instagram feed.

However, what I truly want is to bring value to the lives of others, so that I can help them in some way. I might be shy and awkward at times, and find it difficult knowing what to say to people, but I don’t want to feel that this is what defines me. I found within myself that I am in fact lovable, and kind and compassionate. Within all of us is a kind, loving, compassionate side. It’s about seeing it, and knowing it, and believing it. Like I’ve said, getting caught up in the aspects of yourself you see as negative isn’t going to help you feel any good. You’ve got to somehow see beyond the fears and limitations and just DO what you need to do to be the person you’re supposed to be.

I know this is just a bit of a blabble of a blog post but, who cares? Maybe someone is listening, who knows. HOWEVER, I am in the process of writing an E-Book, which will be based on helping people get started with their fitness journey. It’s not really ya typical fitness e-book, it’s more of a mixture of mentality related, eat properly and just move your body type thing. I get worried about releasing it purely because of the stigma surrounding people giving out advice who aren’t ‘qualified’. I’m not ‘qualified’ in fitness and nutrition, but what I do have is some personal experience, which I am intending to share. It involves all aspects of my name ‘bodylovemind’ – because that’s what this life is all about: the body AND the mind. I think that’s where a lot of people struggle, because it’s easy to forget about the mind and way that the body is a true refection of it. Regardless of my fears, I’m gonna release it and hope it helps somebody out there…

[Ok, a little more confidence in yourself please Louise]

So, I hope you’ll check that out if you’re interested and feel a little stuck knowing where to start when it comes to getting healthier and fitter (it’s not literally a step by step guide though by the way).

Until then, I hope to keep my blog and Instagram updated with where I am in life. Because that’s just the truth really, isn’t it. Despite writing feeling like the hardest thing to do when I feel anxious and depressed, I am still going to try, to just see where it takes me. It’s hard, but necessary, not to let the lows of life bring you right down to the rock bottom of the ocean. If you’re anything like me, you may just briefly lose yourself while it happens, and then realise when you feel better all the things you left behind as you fell (your self respect, dignity, projects, smile, positive thoughts, beliefs, mental strength etc. etc. etc.). Just remember they’re still there though, you can’t UN – learn.

Your soul is also always there. You are it. Remember that.

Until next time..

Louise xxx



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